Rule #1 - No talking on your cell phone in public, it's rude. Nobody cares about your pathetic life or anything having to do with it. Nobody cares who said what to who, what time you will be home or at work, where your children are, where your parents are, what you will be doing later on tonight or anything else. We .... don't .... care, the only thing we care about is ripping the phone out of your hand and breaking it. I will never forget one time while in line at the bank, a lady in front of me was on her phone and in a fight with her boyfriend. At one point she blurts out with, "there you go again, this is exactly what I'm talking about how you try to manipulate me." It took every ounce of control in my body to not beat her to a bloody pulp at that very moment. How incredibly rude does a person have to be to include other customers at the bank in a fight with her boyfriend? No talking on your cell phone in public, period!!
Rule #2 - When you are talking to somebody and your phone rings, don't answer it. This is also incredibly rude. Finish your conversation, THEN call the person back (assuming you are not in violation of Rule #1). Trust me on this one, you aren't that important. You are not the President of the United States or the Dalai Lama, whoever is calling you can wait a couple of minutes before talking to you. I understand you believe you are the most important person on earth, but you are a nobody.
Rule #3 - In some sense, rule #3 is covered by both Rule #1 and #2, but this has to be addressed. Walking up to a cashier, or a teller at the bank, or at the drive-thru window, or when a server is trying to take your order .... if you have your cell phone up to your face you should be thrown down a flight of stairs. I don't believe any further explanation is required here, I think I've summed it up nicely.
Rule #4 - Bluetooth users, do you have any idea how ridiculous you look walking around with those stupid devices in your ear? Compounded on this abomination are these nitwits who have them in their ears and they aren't even on a phone call. If I was from another country and somebody told me that Americans walk around with electronic gadgets in their ears just in case they get a phone call and they don't need to be bothered with the pain staking task of lifting that 6 oz. phone up to their face, I wouldn't believe them, I'd think they were joking with me. One of these days I'm going to slap one of those preposterous devices out of somebody's ear. Mr. and Mrs. Self Important can't be too far from the phone just in case Nelson Mandela calls.
Rule #5 - Your phones have a vibrate mode, USE IT !!!! I'm sure you think your ring tone is fresh or cute ... we don't. In fact, we hate your ring tone with a passion. I'm standing in line at the grocery store and all of a sudden i hear "Baby Got Back" coming from the woman's purse in front of me. Made me think of another song of what I wanted to do to her cell phone, Fly Like an Eagle, across the grocery store. We don't care about your stupid ring tones, you exit your car, you turn the ringer on vibrate. For those of you who think it's cute to have Christmas music for a ring tone around Christmas time, it isn't. To the contrary it is incredibly stupid .... and for the men who use Christmas music for their ring tones around Christmas time, seriously buddy ... grow a sack, be a man.
Rule #6 - I have saved the best for last. How irritating and annoying these people are cannot be captured with the words English provides for me. How many times have you been watching a sporting event on TV, and there is some cretin sitting close to the court, rink, diamond or field, who is usually sitting alone, who is holding his cell phone to his or her face with one hand and waving his or her other hand in the air. Clearly, they are communicating with somebody who is in front of a television set and the conversation goes something like this, "do you see me, I've got a red shirt on and I'm waving my hand?" "Yes, yes, I see you, I'm recording the game so you can see you when you get home." then for the rest of the game, this fool waves their hand and has their cell phone up to their face, presumably calling everybody they know. Seriously here, who buys an expensive ticket for a sporting event, only to ignore the game so you can call your friends and have them tell you when to wave your hand? Destruction of their cell phone is not enough for this special breed of cell phone addicts, these people have psychological problems that run much deeper than the violators of Rules 1 through 5. I believe the death penalty would be appropriate in this situation, we need to get this person off the streets for good before he reproduces, the gene pool will thank us later.
Violate any of these rules, and you will be subject to the destruction of your cell phone. You people are making life difficult for everybody else, it's about time we got some payback.
