Cell Phones Gone Berserk

Where do I even begin when it comes to cell phones? It should be legal to use force to remove a cell phone from somebody's hand for the purpose of destroying it if they violate any of the following rules ....

Rule #1 - No talking on your cell phone in public, it's rude. Nobody cares about your pathetic life or anything having to do with it. Nobody cares who said what to who, what time you will be home or at work, where your children are, where your parents are, what you will be doing later on tonight or anything else. We .... don't .... care, the only thing we care about is ripping the phone out of your hand and breaking it. I will never forget one time while in line at the bank, a lady in front of me was on her phone and in a fight with her boyfriend. At one point she blurts out with, "there you go again, this is exactly what I'm talking about how you try to manipulate me." It took every ounce of control in my body to not beat her to a bloody pulp at that very moment. How incredibly rude does a person have to be to include other customers at the bank in a fight with her boyfriend? No talking on your cell phone in public, period!!

Rule #2 - When you are talking to somebody and your phone rings, don't answer it. This is also incredibly rude. Finish your conversation, THEN call the person back (assuming you are not in violation of Rule #1). Trust me on this one, you aren't that important. You are not the President of the United States or the Dalai Lama, whoever is calling you can wait a couple of minutes before talking to you. I understand you believe you are the most important person on earth, but you are a nobody.

Rule #3 - In some sense, rule #3 is covered by both Rule #1 and #2, but this has to be addressed. Walking up to a cashier, or a teller at the bank, or at the drive-thru window, or when a server is trying to take your order .... if you have your cell phone up to your face you should be thrown down a flight of stairs. I don't believe any further explanation is required here, I think I've summed it up nicely.

Rule #4 - Bluetooth users, do you have any idea how ridiculous you look walking around with those stupid devices in your ear? Compounded on this abomination are these nitwits who have them in their ears and they aren't even on a phone call. If I was from another country and somebody told me that Americans walk around with electronic gadgets in their ears just in case they get a phone call and they don't need to be bothered with the pain staking task of lifting that 6 oz. phone up to their face, I wouldn't believe them, I'd think they were joking with me. One of these days I'm going to slap one of those preposterous devices out of somebody's ear. Mr. and Mrs. Self Important can't be too far from the phone just in case Nelson Mandela calls.

Rule #5 - Your phones have a vibrate mode, USE IT !!!! I'm sure you think your ring tone is fresh or cute ... we don't. In fact, we hate your ring tone with a passion. I'm standing in line at the grocery store and all of a sudden i hear "Baby Got Back" coming from the woman's purse in front of me. Made me think of another song of what I wanted to do to her cell phone, Fly Like an Eagle, across the grocery store. We don't care about your stupid ring tones, you exit your car, you turn the ringer on vibrate. For those of you who think it's cute to have Christmas music for a ring tone around Christmas time, it isn't. To the contrary it is incredibly stupid .... and for the men who use Christmas music for their ring tones around Christmas time, seriously buddy ... grow a sack, be a man.

Rule #6 - I have saved the best for last. How irritating and annoying these people are cannot be captured with the words English provides for me. How many times have you been watching a sporting event on TV, and there is some cretin sitting close to the court, rink, diamond or field, who is usually sitting alone, who is holding his cell phone to his or her face with one hand and waving his or her other hand in the air. Clearly, they are communicating with somebody who is in front of a television set and the conversation goes something like this, "do you see me, I've got a red shirt on and I'm waving my hand?" "Yes, yes, I see you, I'm recording the game so you can see you when you get home." then for the rest of the game, this fool waves their hand and has their cell phone up to their face, presumably calling everybody they know. Seriously here, who buys an expensive ticket for a sporting event, only to ignore the game so you can call your friends and have them tell you when to wave your hand? Destruction of their cell phone is not enough for this special breed of cell phone addicts, these people have psychological problems that run much deeper than the violators of Rules 1 through 5. I believe the death penalty would be appropriate in this situation, we need to get this person off the streets for good before he reproduces, the gene pool will thank us later.

Violate any of these rules, and you will be subject to the destruction of your cell phone. You people are making life difficult for everybody else, it's about time we got some payback.

"African-American" solves nothing

I'll bet anything that just the title of this post makes some of you uncomfortable. Whoa whoa whoa there Jeffrey, you're breaking protocol, you are only supposed to use the term African-American with flower pedals floating by and violins playing in the background. Nobody likes it when you break the status-quo.

We had negro, but well to do white people wanted to use a different word to show they were more accepting of this race of people they have to share their country with (I won't even get into why), so negro was out and black was the new term that was to show tolerance. Then black went by the wayside, it was no longer politically correct, it was an insensitive term. Alas, the birth of the African-American. Aren't we tolerant, no racism in this country anymore. Can somebody please explain to me what the difference between negro and African-American is? How is one so horrible while the other is accepted vernacular in everyday language in the United States? Both do exactly the same thing, they exclude an entire race of people, essentially calling them second class citizens.

What is a black person living in the United States? He is an African-American. What is an Asian person living in the United States? He is an Asian-American. What is an Hispanic person living in the United States? He is an Hispanic-American. What is a member of the Cherokee tribe living in the Unites States? He is an American-Indian. What is a white person living in the United States? He isn't a European-American, he is an American !!! We live in one of the most racially diverse countries on the planet, and yet the only group of people who get to call themselves Americans are the white citizens. This is progress? No, this is blowing smoke up people's back side to hope they will accept this new terminology as some sort of advancement in race relations in this country. Even though millions of black families have lived in the United States for generations, they still haven't earned the almighty heading of "American". Apparently, in order to be an American, you must be white.

As long as we keep these garbage phrases around that separate people by pointing out their differences instead of pointing out how we are similar, as a nation, we will not be anywhere close to the racially-tolerant country we profess ourselves to be. African-American is nothing more than putting a bow tie on a racist. He looks better, but underneath that neat little tie of his, he is the same person. African-American sure sounds better than some of the words which have been used in the past, but the underlying problem still exists. The term, in and of itself, screams separation. African-Americans, Asian-Americans, Hispanic-Americans and American-Indians are all sub categories under the heading, "American".

A white person can move here from South Africa and get his citizenship, and will forever be referred to as an American. A black person can move here form South Africa on the same plane as the white man, pass his citizenship test on the same day as the white man, and he will be forever referred to as an African-American. Am I the only person who sees a problem here ?? Two men, both came from Africa, both became citizens of the Unites States, and only one of them is called an American. The other must include the color of his skin in his official title, African-American. Shouldn't the white guy from South Africa be referred to as an African-American with European ancestors? The mere fact that a white person from South Africa living in the United States isn't called an African-American proves that Africa is completely meaningless in the phrase African-American. It's just a softer way of saying, hey, he's black. The hypocrisy is shocking. It's about time we start referring to black people living in the United States for what they truly are .... AMERICANS !!!!

Disagree with me and you are wrong, it's as simple as that.

Paying 18% interest on a pack of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum

It's happened to almost every one of us, waiting in line in a 7-11 or at the gas station food mart for the guy in front of you who is buying a super diamond ring lollipop and Coke. The clerk looks at him and says,"that'll be $1.23 please." You watch in horror as the guy in front of you slowly starts pulling out his wallet and a credit card ... to pay for $1.23 at the register. Listen people, get some cash together, nobody should be paying interest on a super diamond ring lollipop. Cash, people ... cash, get some cash together. Trust me on this one, buying Tic Tac's is not a major purchase, get some cash together.

Another abomination at the register is occurring at supermarkets around the city. People paying for groceries with a written check. I'll repeat that, people actually write a physical, tangible, check. Seriously, who uses a checkbook anymore?? The disaster isn't using a written check to pay for groceries, it's the time people take to write them out. Not two weeks ago I was in a grocery store when a song I am familiar with was being played on the store's sound-system. The lady in front of me was getting out her checkbook when the song began, and the song had ended before she was finished. It was a song that's well over four minutes long. If you must write your checks, at least be considerate of the six people in line behind you that have gotten used to paying for their groceries in less than 15 seconds ..... and follow these very simple steps that will make the people behind you in line hate you less.

1. As soon as you are done unloading your cart, walk to the writing counter in front of the cashier.

2. Immediately take out your check book and determine where you are. If you are at Ralph's, then write "Ralph's" right after where it says pay to the order of. Get ahead of the game, there is no need for you to do anything but write the name of the store in its proper spot.

3. This is where it gets tricky. You must avoid telling the cashier boring stories about your life that she does not care about in the slightest of ways. Instead, there are two other things you can fill out immediately on your check, what are they? Your name and the date, get to it !!!! Now write your name and the date, and voila, you are ready for step four. Avoid non-sense chitter chatter with the cashier ..... at all costs.

4. You are now ready to close the deal, all you have to do write in the amount when the cashier tells you your total, and you're done.

There is nothing worse than getting behind somebody who is going to pay by writing a check, and they don't even open their check book until they get the total cost. You might not have anything better to do with your day, but other people behind you do. Under no circumstances should it take longer than 30 seconds to pay for anything that doesn't require financing.

Nobody will ever tell you this, but anytime you use a credit card for a minor purchase or write a check ... everybody in line behind you wants to use you as a pinata.